apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
