I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
