i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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