Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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