Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
