the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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