I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My life is pants optional.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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