They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
