porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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