No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
