I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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