Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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