my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
