from now on my penis is your penis
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
