i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
soo... how was my night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
