if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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