why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
