Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
