I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
