now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
