Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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