Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
