is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
