worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
