he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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