He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
