my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
