I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
