Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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