Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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