so explain again why im purple
no
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
