She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
