He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
