You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
