Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
