You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
