dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
