walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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