did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
