Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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