then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
