Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
