her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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