So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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