I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
