so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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