How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
