Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
