i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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