Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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