the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
