i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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