The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
