I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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