do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
